• Loving The Family of God Well

    By: Kristen L. McNulty

    Reprint rights available on request. Email the author at kristenmcnulty@hotmail.com.

    We live in a world filled with broken relationships, a world where many are walking wounded from the damage inflicted by other people. And sadly, the wounded walk among us even in the church, people who have been on the receiving end of friendly (or not so friendly) fire from other believers. We have people who have been crushed by gossip that was spread about them, we have leaders who have been criticized so often that the scars are starting to show, we have people who have been excluded by cliques within our walls and feel the hurt every time they log into social media and see photos from events they were excluded from, the list goes in and on. I'm sure you can recount more than one situation where someone in the church hurt you. I know I can. But the point of bringing this up today isn't to put the focus on the hurts, but rather to turn inward and look at ourselves. Because the odds are we've hurt other people in our family of believers too.

    Looking Inward


    Have we ever dropped the ball and ignored the needs of a friend in the church who lost a loved one? Maybe we meant to send a meal but forgot. Or we planned on going to the funeral but something came up. Chances are our actions left a mark.

    Or maybe we broke the confidence of someone who confided in us and then we went and said something to someone else that we shouldn't have. That choice has repercussions and crushed the person who trusted you or trusted me.

    Or maybe we had an opinion about something our small group leader or pastor or worship leader said or did. It wasn't a dealbreaker and we could have left it unsaid with no major repercussions, but we sent the text, made the phone call or sent the email, with no thought to how they might have felt to be on the receiving end of it.

    We've all done things that have hurt other people and whether the hurt was outright intentional or not, we are still responsible for our behaviour and if we know about it, we are responsible to fix it.

    We Shouldn't Be Okay With Hurting People


    We are never going to be people of perfection. Just like in our own families, there is a chance when we interact with or work alongside people in the church for months or years and build relationships with them, things are bound to happen. But just because things can happen, it doesn't mean we should be okay with that. It's still our responsibility to strive to be loving and kind and it's also our responsibility that when we fall short, to make it right. Jesus taught us in Matthew 5:23-24,

    So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. Matthew 5:23-24


    You and I might not sacrifice at the temple, but we do praise and pray in the church. Imagine the beauty that could come if every week before we go to worship, we first fix things with those we've hurt or offended.

    Bringing Healing and Freedom


    This isn't easy. Asking for forgiveness and admitting we were wrong involves swallowing a lot of pride, but it does bring healing and freedom when it happens.

    We don't want to be the cause of anyone stopping going to church or feeling unwelcome if they do. We don't want to be the person whose criticism causes another person to quit ministry. We don't want to have to change churches every few years because we've built so many relationships that are now broken that we feel we have no choice but to leave. We also don't want to be the person who, when others hear that we are leaving, breathe a sigh of relief because they no longer have to deal with us.

    We are part of a family, and families aren't perfect, but when there is humility and love in the church, it's a thing of beauty. And this thing of beauty does make a lasting impact as how we treat other believers does show the watching world that we belong to Christ. Flipping over to John chapter 13 where Jesus said:

    A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: wjust as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:34-35


    What Does This Kind Of Love Look Like?


    So what does love for one another look like? Let's close by reading how the Bible defines it and then committing to live by it. While we often only hear this at weddings, the Bible makes it clear this is the kind of love we are all called to live out.

    If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn't love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God's secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:1-7


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